Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Narrative Twist

“A New Stew, A New Day”
By Max J.


(starts just after paragraph 48)
She then burst into tears. “What are we going to do?” she half said, half sobbed. “We probably can’t afford a replacement, we might have to sell the house…” she said, then trailed off into a rant.
The husband, blindsided by how it went downhill so fast, clumsily replied, “Well, maybe we could just tell Mme. Forestier we lost the necklace.”
Tear tracks still visible on her cheeks, Mme. Loisel loudly stated, “And then what? Go to prison for thievery? Then we’ll have even less money!”
The husband snapped. “Mathilde, get a grip! We lost it on accident. We have enough money to be happy if you stop daydreaming about a life that will never come true!” Then, he slapped her.
Shocked into silence by that outburst, Mme. Loisel sat there for several minutes, then wiped the tear tracks from her face and replied, “You’re right...we should tell her. And I will stop daydreaming.”   
Then, they went to bed. Mme. Loisel sat in bed a while, unable to sleep. Then, she decided to read a book to help her sleep, and lit a candle. The husband, suffering no such problems and already half asleep, grunted and burrowed under the covers.
The following day, both Loisels got dressed and sat down to a rather large breakfast of spinach, cheese, and red potato frittata. Then they stepped out of the house and leisurely, albeit nervously, walked to Madame Forestier’s shop. Madame Loisel stepped in the door, while the husband went and sat on a bench just outside.
Inside the shop, Mme. Loisel went up to Mme. Forestier. She said, without a hint of fear in her voice, “Hello.”
Mme. Forestier said, “You’re back earlier than I had expected. Do you have the necklace?
Mme. Loisel, her voice catching in her throat briefly, answered, “N-no. No, I do not.”
Madame Forestier did not appear outraged, which Mathilde took as a good sign. “Well, did you lose it?”she replied.
“To be completely honest with you, we lost it in a carriage.”
“It was worth five hundred francs.
“W-what? But, how?”
“It was paste. I also expect you to pay me back.”
Mathilde, seeing that this was a much better outcome than what she had anticipated, said with a note of happiness in her voice, “I will, and promptly,” Then she left the jewel shop.
She went over and roused her husband from his stupor on the bench.
The husband inquired,”How much is that necklace worth? Twenty thousand francs? Fifty thousand?”
She answered jubilantly, “No, only five hundred!”
    The husband, extremely stunned, asked, “But, how…”
Mme. Loisel explained that it was paste.
The husband replied, “I have that amount in the bank. Let’s go!” and off they went to retrieve the money.
After retrieving the money, they went back to her jewel shop.
“We have the money,” they said in unison.
They handed it to Mme. Forestier.
“Well, that was quick,” she noted.
“Thanks for not being mad at me,” sad Mme. Loisel.
“You’re welcome, Mathilde,” replied Mme. Forestier.
The Loisels left faster than they had come, as if a great weight had been lifted off their shoulders.
On the way home, the husband said, “So you’re going to be a bit more mature now.”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Really?” he asked.
“Yes!” she said, a bit louder now.
“Excellent!” stated the husband.
“Also, I know how to make a new stew! I never knew how much fun it was to cook!” said           she.
All the way home, they discussed the stew, among other things.
Fin


2 comments:

  1. Wow Max, you really did a great job here. Very descriptive and see how Mme. Loisel Changed! To be honest, I don't think I could do better. Nice Work!

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  2. Your story was really descriptive and you went straight to the point, which I thought was nice. I liked the way you changed Mme. Loisel and how towards the beginning her husband slapped her. It was a really good twist, good job Max.

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